RANDOM BITCHY RANTINGS

Since my last posting I have decided to give (that asshole) The Tax Man a brief respite from my diatribe and to instead focus my snobnotic rantings towards a few others.  Let this be a warning to people who drive 'Smart Cars',  wear obnoxiously stupid big hats to horsing events, dare to wear butterflies on their shoulders or go by the name of Sarah Palin, that they are about to be ranted upon.

Let me start with 'Smart Cars'.  You know, those (obnoxious) little vehicles that look more like a cold weather golf cart or something you'd let Barbie drive around your living room?  They have two front seats and that's it.  Cars over.   And the driver's of these little buggers seem to think that they are immune from the impact of large vehicles like, oh say, a SEMI.   Can we just be politically incorrect for a moment and give these vehicles a more accurate name?   'Moron Cars' would be good.   "Stupid Moron Cars' would be more accurate.   Yes, yes, I know.  This is insulting to morons, who undoubtedly would argue that they in fact drive Ford F150 pick ups with their hunting rifle stored (un)securely in the cab.   I would be okay with renaming these vehicles 'Shit Head Cars'.   Any Shit Heads out there that would find this insulting?  If so, now is your chance to start heaving up your objections. 

And since the law sees fit to allow these shitty little cars onto the highway, with all the really, really big vehicles called:   Tractor Trailors,  then why not let bicyclists share the travel lanes on the expressway, too!   Hell, lets let women pushing strollers out there as well.    Personally, I think I'd feel safer in a stroller then in one of those (shit head, moronic) Smart Cars.  At least there would be someone behind me to take the first impact from the Cadillac Escalade running me over as I weave in and out of traffic at 60 mph.  

Maybe the fact that anyone who gets into one of those stupid little peices of shit is probably already shy of the IQ borderline between slow and functional(hey, I gave it to the morons and shit heads first) is a good thing.  That way, once the dust settles and the peices are picked up and placed into the ambulance, the 'cognitive injury' claim will be deminimous since, as we've already declared, the occupants of the 'Smart Car' were already functioning at the level of a moronic shit head.

Speaking of moronic and (shitty) things on ones head,   I will now sequeay on to women who wear big, silly hats to horsing events.    Is there something about a horse that begs the attire of something like this:

I see it, I see it.   Horse.   Hooves.  H-H-HAT!!!.  And while we're at it, lets have a contest to see who is wearing the Most Beautiful Hat!!!   Probably won't be the horse, cause, gee, all the other horses would laugh him out of the stable, because, ya know IT'S SO FRIGGIN' STUPID!!!

Sampling of random comments regarding Ladies Hats at a horse race:

Horse 1:   Wow, look at that beautiful hat.  Boy now I really want to run fast today, how inspiring.
Horse 2:   Personally I find this years hats to be a let down so I am refusing to take part in todays race.

Husband 1:  Gimme another double vodka - I'm gonna need a lot of liquor to deal with these stupid hats blocking my view of the race.
Husband 2:  Too bad they don't block my view of the women's face.

Creepy Stable Hand:   Wow, these beautiful hats really turn me on.  I'm sexually aroused.


Speaking of silly things to wear, my rant now comes to poor ol' Siobhan Magnus.  I really thought this uber talented Cape Cod gal had a good chance of winning the American Idol contest this year.  Alas, her song choices have befuddled not just Simon, but me as well.   And as if seeing the title float away on a lilly pad weren't bad enough, now poor Siobhan has Kara saying that she wants to hang out with her.  (but not buy her record, which is probably how Kara sees friendship since undoubtedly none of her friends have ever bought her record).  

Last night, Siobhan performed wearing another weird outfit.  This time she also attached several butterflies to her arms and shoulder.  Simon thought they were leaves and said:

Simon:   I found the leaves distracting.
Kara:   They're not leaves, they're butterflies.
EDITED BY AI:
Siobhan:   These butterflies are my friends.

I think Siobhan is turning into Tinker Bell.

Last but not least....um, change that, she is definetly least.   Okay, lastly I will rant about Sarah Palin.  But first I will thank her because, she makes me sound informed and intelligent.   Hell, she makes 'Smart Car' drivers sound informed and intelligent.  

Sarah:  Our Founding Fathers did not want a separation of Church and State.
Me:   Uh, yeah.  They did.   They did it kind of specifically, too.   In fact, they put it first.   As in The First Amendment.   Adams signed the Treaty of Tripoli.   Jefferson was a Deist.   But, since you now want the Government to get involved with the citizens lives, then I guess you'll be changing your whole stance on limiting government.   Or, do you just want Government to be involved in dictating our religious choices, but not to get involved with our ability to have life (health care), liberty (choise of faith or not faith) and pursuit of happiness (Gay marriage)?