I'LL HAVE SOME TEA WITH MY SUGAR

Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin launched her newest campaign against reality in Pennsylvania yesterday, when she announced her opposition to the state's initiative to rid elementary school cafeteria's of sugary sweets.   "What's wrong with sugar?", the former college drop out asked the crowd gathered to support a small, private, elementary school.   "Sugar and spice and everything nice is what little girls are made of - you betcha", Palin is alleged to have stated before rallying the crowd with the charges that:  "Pennsylvania's liberal, left wing legislators are trying to rid the world of little girls!"   Palin then convinced the crowd of mostly undereducated illegal immigrants that this was an attempt by a 'rogue state' to align with the evil interests of China.   "And you know what the Chinese will do, don't  cha?   They'll force our kids to eat wanton instead of good ol American chicken noodle soup! "   Comments were then allegedly made by the former tiara seeking ex Governor alluding to legislation she supports that would re activate the detainment of all 'foreign looking' individuals just like we did in the "good ol days of World War II, you betcha".   Word has it that the auditorium quickly emptied of most adults, leaving just Mrs. Weinerschnitzel's 7th grade special education students.    Palin allegedly personally handed each of these students a super sized lolly pop with the slogan "Vote for Bristol the Pistol on DWTS" written on them. 

When asked by a reporter for the senior high school newspaper about her support for overloading children with sugary sweets, Palin may have said "just look what it did for Bristol the Pistol!  She's been able to turn her refusal to follow my "abstinence is all ya need" campaign into being the spoiler on America's top rated dance show!   And there's a girl I never denied a pound or two of sugary, fatty stuff growing up."  Palin also took a jab at Pennsylvania Governor Rendell's personal weight loss success, accusing Rendell of loosing weight just so he won't have to face New Jersey Governor Christy on America's Biggest Looser.

It should be noted that absolutely nothing in this report has been verified.  But, it seems pretty plausible.

In somewhat related news, the Tea Party has announced that, emboldened by Bristol the (kinda heavy) Pistol's spoiler success on DWTS, they plan to have Christine O'Donnell compete on Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader next season.